In Zayn’s World

For a week and a half leading up to the birth of my first son, Zayn Alan Heyen, the veil between worlds was becoming increasingly blurred, and I felt subtle energetic shifts alerting me that the time was near. I found it nearly impossible to talk to other humans, as I was beckoned into ultimate presence with the natural world around me.

I treasured my final days of being pregnant, taking gentle walks, singing with the forest and creek surrounding my house and grieving the miracle that it would never be just me, my husband and our dog ever again. We were ready, yet the sweet bitterness of change still had a  way of pulling on all of my tender heart strings.

Wednesday, June 11th, welcomed the full moon, and I felt the call to enter into ritual with the Earth mother. The birth altar was completed, as I found myself alive with prayer. Simple, easeful, blissful, peaceful was the mantra I had been working with for weeks and I knew it would guide me through the birth portal. Wednesday night I was high on hormones and found it impossible to sleep deeply. The contractions had begun to feel different, but there was no consistency or rhythm to them. I knew that birth could still be days or even weeks away, and the anticipation of the unknown was lighting me on fire.

Thursday I awoke to find my mucus plug had released. I still was not convinced it would actually happen, so I went about my day trying to maintain an air or normal. I went for a walk around the lake in the morning, noticing deep pressure in my pelvis, and occasionally needing to stop to rest and breathe through the sensations. I had been craving fresh local strawberries for the strawberry full moon, and was excited to explore the famers market in the afternoon. Driving there, I noticed the sensations had picked up in intensity and I had to focus all my attention on driving while the waves pulsed through my body. There was still no rhythm, and I was convinced it could be days away.

Once I arrived home around 3:30, I called my husband and let him know that I was experiencing what I could only assume were contractions, but they were still sporadic and I was feeling fine. No need to come home, it could still be days away. After we hung up the phone, I tuned into my body and noticed that something was shifting. The contractions were finally finding a rhythm. Every 10 minutes a wave would come, hold my uterus, and slowly release. 

Simple, Easeful, Blissful, Peaceful.  I reminded myself. Was this it? Was it happening?

I pulled out my crystal sound bowls and began to chant and sing, welcoming the birth and letting baby know I was ready.

For the next two hours, the waves came steadily and slowly increased in time and intensity. I connected with each one through the breathe, and imagined the sensation moving from my womb to my third eye on each inhale, and dispersing through every cell of my body on each exhale. I had committed to myself that I would not stall or run away from the sensations of labor, but rather lean in as intentionally as I could. I was not scared, and I was ready to meet my baby. I labored outside in the sunshine for some time, laying down with my trusted pitbull companion Milkshake, to hold me and midwife me though the waves. 

By 5:30, things were getting heavier and I texted John to let him know that everything was moving along. I felt fine laboring alone at home, and did not need him to rush to join me. When he arrived at 6:30 I was deeply immersed in the labor. I didn’t have too many words to share with him, but was grateful for his energy to join the dance. I found that sitting down on a chair or the exercise ball with my legs spread wide helped me to open to the sensations and direct the energy through my body. 

Simple, Easeful, Blissful, Peaceful.

John asked if I wanted to get in the jacuzzi tub, and I said yes. He filled it up for me, and lit candles all around. I let him know it was time to light the special labor candle I had been praying over for weeks. He was surprised, and did not realize how deep into the dance I was. The baby is coming I reassured him, we will meet tonight. In the tub things picked up, and I knew I wanted to get out and move around.

Back to the living room to sit and breathe. John had lit a fire outside, and was silently tending the space around me, as Milkshake periodically checked in and rested her head on my leg to let me know she was with me. I was getting tired and wanted to lay down, but each time I tried, the sensations felt extreme, and I had not been ready to move the energy yet. But around 9:30 I knew I needed to lay down, and so I curled up on the couch and rested while I felt a sensation brewing in the depths of my womb. It came on strong and rocked my whole body, I found my breathe and did my best to welcome it. At the peak of the sensation I felt a pop and gush as my waters released all around me.

I immediately sat up and felt a jolt of energy pulsing through my body. John asked if I wanted to go back in the tub and I said yes. As soon as I got into the filling water, I knew I could not stay. I felt antsy, and jumpy, and knew this meant I was nearing transition. Back to the living room, as the sensations shifted into high gear. They were coming so hard and fast, and I finally gave way to the moaning that was welling up from my core. 

I can’t do this I began to think. I didn’t know it would be this intense. 

I knew these intrusive thoughts meant I was getting close, and I reached into my internal wellspring of power to resource me though the challenge. I can do this. I am doing this. Simple. Easeful. Blissful. Peaceful.

Despite my attempts at regulation, the pain was becoming unbelievably intense as I felt the baby move through my pelvis. I was on my knees and had my torso leaned over the couch, feeling my body bear down as the sensations got heavier and heavier. I reached inside myself and could feel the head. The baby was getting close. I can do this. I am doing this. 

With every contraction I felt the urge to push and help the baby move through my pelvis. So much for letting the baby ooze out of me, while my body did all the work. No, I was working and I was breathing, it was time to meet my baby. I felt simultaneously like I was going to poop or rip in half and I truly did not know how the baby would fit.

But with the next contraction as I moaned I felt the head pop out of my yoni. Is it the head? I asked to John who was behind me ready. Yes. The rest is coming! And in one smooth movement, the baby slid out of me and halfway into John’s hands, halfway onto the Earth. 

I turned around, and John immediately handed him to me. It’s a boy!  I cried, and cradled my baby in my arms. He cried right away, and had the cord loosely around him once. Milkshake immediately jumped from her peaceful watch position on the couch to smell and greet the new addition. I had done it. He was here. At 10:38 PM on June 12th, we welcomed our perfect son.

Immediately I wanted to birth the placenta and complete the birth. I was uncomfortable on the floor, and needed the relief. The placenta was not ready to come, and so after about 45 minutes I decided to help it along. Gently tugging at the cord when a mild contraction came to guide it into the waiting bowl. 

Simple. Easeful. Blissful. Peaceful.

I had done it. Birthed my baby in power in the safety and comfort of my own home, after embarking on the initiation of a wild pregnancy, totally free from the medical industrial complex. 

Now a week later, we still have not left the house, and my baby only knows the safety and comfort of our family cocoon. He latched right away, and we are all enjoying the transition into family life. 

Birth is beautiful, safe, and so incredibly simple yet miraculous. I am grateful that my birth was Simple, easeful, blissful, and peaceful. Thank you for trusting me to bring you into the world Zayn Alan Heyen, mama loves you so much.